转一封来自施玮姊妹和《信仰之门》网站思路弟兄的约稿邮件，敬请弟兄姊妹关注并踊跃赐稿。谢谢。

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亲爱的弟兄/姊妹：

《海外校园》杂志社、出版社将于明年编辑出版“中国当代基督徒信仰诗选（第一辑约400页）”。该书将在中国大陆和美国同时出版。

我们从网络和朋友处知道并看过一些您的诗作，希望您能整理300行以内的有关基督信仰的诗歌，以电子WORD档或TXT档形式寄来。

若您认识诗歌水平和您相当的基督徒诗人，可向我们推荐，提供电邮地址和网址，或寄百行以内诗作来。

——黑夜给了我黑色的眼睛，我却用它来寻找光明。 ——顾城 
                                            
眼睛是灵魂的窗户，内心的无限思想意念，都可以通过眼睛来表达。每一双眼睛都有情感，每一个眼神都有特别的含义。亲爱的，当我望向你的时候，当你望向我的时候，当我们四目相对的时刻，我是否已读懂了你的眼睛，是否已能领会这话语所不能表达的一切？此时，无声胜有声，一切尽在不言中......

父母的眼睛

让我爱而不受感戴

让我爱而不受感戴，
让我事而不受赏赐，
让我尽力而不被人记，
让我受苦而不被人睹。

只知倾酒不知饮酒，
只想擘饼不想留饼。
倒出生命来使人得幸福，
舍弃安宁而使人得舒服。

不受体恤不受眷顾，
不受推崇不受安抚。
宁可凄凉宁可孤苦，
宁可无告宁可被负。

愿意以血泪作为冠冕的代价，
愿意受亏损来度旅客的生涯。

因为当你活在这里时,
你也是如此过日子。

欣然忍受一切的损失，
好使近你的人得安适。

我今不知前途究竟有多远，
这条道路一去就不再还原。

所以让我学习你那样的完全，
时常被人辜负心不生怨。

一直以来，我就是一个生活在自己精神领域里的人，被人认为是一个完全的理论者，是虚幻的，是梦想的。我也是固守着自己的理想城堡，不向这个世界妥协。于是，被认为是不现实的，是活在半空中的，是与常人不一样的，是清高孤傲的，是格格不入的。

信主以后，似乎有更多的理由为自己的行为找藉口，沉浸在信仰的文字言语中，却只有一个表浅的理解与认识。因为年轻缺乏经验，其实不懂得生活，不懂得人情世故，更不懂得如何将信仰真实地生活出来。

但或许就在这样一点一点地学习中，一点一点地经历中，一点一点地被圣灵感动中，开始学习真实地面对一切，清醒地面对自己，面对周围的环境和氛围。

除了正常的生活饮食起居外，似乎大部分的时间都在电脑前待着。刚刚听着一些歌，看了一下博客，上了一下论坛，准备查看Hotmail的邮件时，忽然这两个词蹦入脑海“融入”“连结”。

从来没有细想过这两个词的真正含义。却是在真实的工作和生活中，一点一点地经历着。我以前似乎毫不懂得它们，最近才开始慢慢认识和体会。确切来说，二十多年以来，我一直都没有真正地融入和连结。我执著地固守着我的精神和理想城堡，希望有人能走进它，理解它，却没有想过我首先要走出去，才能获得更多的理解与认可。

工作需要融入和连结。一件事情、一个项目的创立、实施、运作，从来都不是靠一个人实现的，而是需要大家的团结互助合作去完成。所以，很多时候，在工作中，个人的能力并不是最重要的，能够融入这个环境和氛围，能够与大家紧密连结在一起，才能真正齐心协力，共赴成功。

最近在Blog上很沉默，一直都不想说话。也很久没有写新文章了。

莫名其妙地烦躁和压抑。不是为了感情，好像也不仅仅是为了工作，也不是为了家人朋友。最关键是为了自己。回了一趟家，忽然就清醒过来了。再一次地完全否定和破碎自己，越来越看到自己实在是没有什么值得骄傲的，一点一点地想建立一个真实的信仰和生命。

或许以前我属于一个理论者，大部分都在叫口号，对《圣经》的知识也懂得个一知半解，却因为没有多少实际生活的铺垫与理解，大多时候我都不知如何运用，所认知的实在是肤浅得很。

工作上也没有我想像的那么顺利与出色。反而是因为与上司很多的语言误解，造成了工作很大的压力与挫败感。平时读《圣经》也不多，也没有为父母家人、为身边的朋友祷告。忽然觉得自己一无是处，过得一团糟。

整天在网上泡着，认为自己多么属灵。反过头来我却是一个不懂得实际生活、不懂得柴米油盐酸甜苦辣的人。信仰是让生活过得更丰盛，而不是毁了我们的真实生活；是让我们懂得更好地去爱人，去关怀体贴人，而不是无知地将自己与不信者划一个明显的界线；是让我们成为一个在小事细节中体现大爱的人，而不是让自己成为一个莫须有的殉道者。

《圣经》由40多位不同背景、不同身份、不同时代的作者写成，
前后历经1500年，他们互不认识，没有任何一点相关，
但是《圣经》前后没有一点矛盾，而且几千年以来从不更改。
他们是受上帝的感动而写，为了让人重新认识神，与神和好，
拥有一个永远的生命。

《圣经》是上帝写给人的一封情书，是世界上销量最大的一本书，
全书都充满神的智慧。《圣经》分为旧约和新约两部分，
旧约写于基督降生之前，新约写于基督降生之后（公元）。

《圣经》里有60%的预言，其中的80%已经应验，
其它的20%时间还未到。

《圣经》的内容分为三部分：
上帝的创造、人类的犯罪、耶稣基督的救赎。

透过《圣经》，我们可以认识到世界万物、以及人类的起源由来，
回答了生命的起始、终结“我从哪里来，将要到哪里去”。
我们可以了解到神的爱有多么的长阔高深，
基督为了我们付出了如何的代价。

《圣经》里有上帝教导人的所有行为规范和准则，
告诉了我们什么是对的，什么是错的。
教导我们如何在这个世代站立得稳，行事正直，
如何成为别人的祝福，炼净我们一生，
点燃我们一生，将神的爱传遍世界每个角落。

感谢神,这个星期我休假.我回江西老家了.

和爸妈在一起很开心.有说不完的话.

过几天还要去姐姐那里,去看看我可爱的小外甥.

真好.愿我的生命能够真正在生活中见证出来.阿门.

　

On our (painful) trips to the mall, I got more than I bargained for
By Drew Dyck

My legs are rubber, knees about to buckle, calves cramping. In my delirium I grope for a resting place but find nothing. I can't feel my toes. I see mirages—chairs, benches—they flicker invitingly, only to vanish as I approach. I teeter on the verge of fainting.

Suddenly a voice rings out from the blinding light: "Oh, stop acting like a baby! We've only been shopping for an hour."

It's a familiar voice, a cruel voice—my wife, whose endurance far exceeds mine on such days. For her the "Accessories" section at Nordstrom is paradise. For me it's somewhere between the Sahara desert and Dante's Seventh Circle of Hell.

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating. Truthfully, I don't mind shopping done the right way. My way—with the speed and efficiency of a military operation. Alas, I may never set the agenda when my wife and I hit the mall, but I find daydreaming cathartic. So please excuse me while I switch to fantasy mode. Click.

Shopping à la Drew

First, the shopping trip would have a clear objective. If you go to the mall before determining what you need, something odd happens. Suddenly you find out that you "need" all sorts of things, even stuff you didn't know existed! One hour of mall trudging rubberizes your legs. Two, and your torso slouches. At the three-hour mark, fatigue flashes up your spine and seizes your brain. Suddenly the line between needs and wants blurs. You begin to ponder strange questions: How did I ever sleep without a bed that realigns my body's energy with the earth's magnetic field? How will I summon rodents without this rodent whistle?

If it were up to me, we wouldn't stick around long enough for this to happen. We'd hit the ground running. Secure the items. March them to the counter. Dispatch the plastic. Vacate the premises and make it home in time for the ball game. The perfect shopping trip!

Click. Back to reality. Such trips are a fading memory from my bachelor days. The real scene plays something like this:

Walking. Looking at clothes. Looking at clothes. More walking. Arguing. Silence. Apologizing. More arguing. Trying on clothes. Leaving store. Coming back to store. Putting clothes on hold. Walking. Weeping (me). Gnashing teeth (mine). More walking.

Well, you get the picture. Shopping causes consternation in my marriage. This took me by surprise. Just two years ago we were giddy and engaged, not even a hint of conflict on the horizon. We both liked cuddling, kissing, and a guy named Drew. Then we got married and started shopping together.

But recently I discovered that something else was causing problems in our marriage, something much worse than shopping—my selfishness. The descriptions above make my wife look like the bad guy. Some serious qualifiers are due.

For starters, though my wife likes to shop, she rarely buys anything. It's one of those mysteries, like Bigfoot or the Bermuda Triangle. But the point is I'm lucky. I've witnessed many full-grown men weep over their wives' spending habits. When my wife actually purchases something, it's usually after a good deal of prodding from me.

Secondly, she accompanies me on many activities she doesn't enjoy, and without producing the low, haunting moans of a humpback whale that characterize my trips to the mall. She doesn't like basketball, but she watches games with me. Though she enjoys reading, my habit of camping out at the local bookstore stretches her resolve. Still, she rarely complains.

Most of the time I was too selfish to notice her sacrifices. Now looking back, I can see the signs. Weak smiles when I announced date night was going to be a live NBA game. Glazed eyes after hours of me perusing tomes in our bookstore's theology section. Trips to the movie store featured more of my selfishness: she wanted Emma; we got Arnold.

Though I'm tempted to blame my single years for my oblivion to others' feelings, the truth is more sinister: I want my own way. Like a toddler clutching a toy and screaming, "Mine!" I was letting my will run roughshod over our relationship. My wife was doing her part, making concessions and sacrifices. But I was failing to respect her wishes. With the exception of the odd shopping trip, which I ruined by whining, we did what I wanted, my way.

I've always been aware the Bible comes down hard on selfishness. Perhaps since it didn't specifically address selfishness in the context of a shopping mall, I missed the application. Still, the Bible's teaching on the subject is clear: "Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others" (1 Corinthians 10:24). "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you" (Matthew 7:12). "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves" (Philippians 2:3).

Those verses nailed the problem. I had a habit of putting myself before others. While I could disguise this voice while I was single, being married brought it into sharp focus. I had to change.

Returns and exchanges

I tried a few avenues to recovery. First, I employed what I now call the "martyr method." I agreed to my wife's plans, even encouraged her to make choices customarily made by me. Then during the activity I'd wallow in self-pity. We went shopping; I suffered, but in silence.We watched romances; both our faces were wet with tears. Although the misery was delicious, I wasn't fooling anyone. We both knew my "selflessness" was disingenuous. The only sacrifice I made was to appease my overgrown ego. I was still putting myself first, just in a different way.

Then I switched to a second tactic: score keeping. Okay, I'd think, tonight we'll do your thing. Tomorrow we'll do mine. 50/50. Sure it was a tad legalistic, but it was fair. Keeping everything even was the only way to ensure my selfishness remained in check, I thought. But that didn't work either. It was only another way of looking out for myself, making sure I still got my way. Besides, even when we did my things, I couldn't enjoy myself. I was using up valuable points!

Finally I broke down and tried God's way. This required more than adjusting my behavior; it meant overhauling my attitude. I endeavored to truly put my wife's interests before my own, viewing the world from her perspective and asking myself what would make her happy.

I haven't mastered this. I keep slipping back into my selfish persona. Old habits die hard, if they ever die. But something interesting happened as I fought my selfish inclinations. I actually started enjoying things I never thought I could. Even shopping trips weren't all that bad.

I'm realizing that God doesn't give us commands to make us miserable. He extends instruction because he loves us. His rules are not arbitrary; they constitute a code of love. Abandoning my selfishness not only benefited those around me, it gave me more joy as well. I'm learning that God's peace can fill my heart no matter what I'm doing—even shopping.

　

很感恩。今天晚上有四位同事和我一起去了教堂。

每周三晚上是衡山堂固定的青年唱诗查经聚会。今天查了《以斯帖记》，讲“神的作为和人的本份”。让我清晰明白，神虽然形体是隐藏的，但无处不显露出神的存在。在不同的历史阶段，神要藉着每一个人，完成他自己的使命。

后面学习的赞美诗主要是以诗篇为题材写的，今天学了《耶和华是我的牧者》《耶和华坐着为王》和《耶和华尼西》（参看诗篇23/113篇），非常地好。姐妹在讲台上分享的话语很棒，特别让我感动的有三句话：

泪洗过的必要流出生命的甘泉。

泪水是建立彩虹的材料，

十字架是通往生命的阶梯。

她还分享道：“凡是被神所看重高举的使徒，没有一位不经历死荫幽谷的试炼和患难。”“在基督里，我们有满足感——安全感——清醒感——真正的充实感——信托感——幸福感。”“耶和华尼西——耶和华是我们的旌旗，是我们的标竿。我们是基督的精兵！”......

感谢神，总是藉着各样的聚会和经历，让我的信心和生命一点点得着成长和造就。同事很渴慕主的话语，有无数的问题想要问我。明天我会特意带上我很喜欢的八本灵修书籍和小《圣经》、以及一些VCD与她们分享。《先贤之信》《标竿人生》《所罗门的智慧》《稳行高处》《清心守候的女人》《丽质天生》《幸福婚姻圣经》《花香常漫》是我随时在读的书籍，感觉很好，也推荐给大家。在“天梯书屋”可购买，也可直接在天梯的网站订购。

感谢神，将这样美好的服侍与事奉的机会赐给我。也求神赐给我更多的力量与智慧，在工作和生活中做出更好的见证，有能力吸引和带领更多的人来到主的面前。求神亲自看顾和保守一切。阿门。